|
Your Child and Sexuality
Few things affect our self-image and our relationship with others more than our sexuality. From infancy to old age sex is a powerful influence on our identity. We all know how we have wrestled with it in ourselves and against the world.
Teaching our children Christian sexual values does not have to be an awkward or embarrassing responsibility for parents - not when our heavenly Father communicates with us his children on the subject in such simple and loving terms. Let’s hear what he has to say.
Our sexuality is good
Our sexuality is a gift from God. He created us "male and female" (Genesis 1:27). He declared all of his creation, including human sexuality, to be "very good" (Genesis 1:31). In a world without sin Adam and Eve were not ashamed of God’s gift of sexuality. The Bible tells us, "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame" (Genesis 2:25).
Since the fall into sin we all reflect a proper modesty about our sexuality by wearing clothes. But this in no way detracts from the goodness of God’s gift to us. God’s promise of forgiveness in Christ removes the guilt and fear we have about our own sexual shortcomings. So we can tell our children with confidence that God’s gift is good and that he is there to help us enjoy that gift.
God blesses us with sexuality
God created sex for our happiness and benefit. He made it first of all to provide men and women the joy of companionship in marriage where the two to them become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Within marriage sex is accompanied with God’s blessings of joy (Proverbs 18:22), security (1 Corinthians 7:4) and purity (Hebrews 13:4). God also blessed his gift of sex for the purpose of bringing children into the world (Genesis 1:28). Think of it! The very same children you teach about the goodness of sex are themselves proof that God blesses it.
When God himself gives us such confidence about the nature and purpose of his gift of sexuality, we will want to share this attitude with our children. Teaching sex in the home ceases to be a necessity we face reluctantly and instead becomes a natural expression of thanksgiving to God for his goodness.
We are good teachers
The most important sex education we parents give is our example. Studies have shown that children firmly identify with their gender by age two. Each knows whether he or she is a boy or a girl. Each expresses sexuality by imitating mother or father.
So we teach lifetime lessons by the way we live as mother and father, make and female. Children appreciate sexuality as a gift of companionship when they see the respect, love and tenderness we parents show for each other. Through our care for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs children gradually absorb our respect for the gift of life as a blessing of sex.
Of course we can also teach harmful things about sex. Children may falsely assume that sexual differences are the reason for loveliness and fighting between mother and father. Or, what impression are we leaving them when we dodge their innocent questions and treat sex as a topic which should not be discussed? Even worse is the casual talk and coarse humor which make sex out to be dirty and cheap (Ephesians 5:3,4).
We do not have to be self-conscious about sharing sexual values with our children. We are good teachers by virtue of the life we live by faith in Jesus. Christian fathers naturally model for their children the make pattern of Christ’s unselfish love for his bride the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Believing mothers display patience, humility and trust (1 Peter 3:1-6) in their care for the family (Proverbs 31:10-31). The male and female our child watches forgive each other the faults which threaten the blessings God brings with sexuality. In the setting of a life guided by our Savior we become naturally good models for our children.
We will face crises
Even good teachers have times of crisis in their classrooms. We will have ours, too. There will be that first time our child returns from the playground with sexually explicit words he doesn’t really understand. Boys especially may go through stages of preoccupation with the sexual parts of their bodies. Girls need to learn about menstruation and boys about wet dreams before it happens. Depreciating remarks by brothers and sisters about each other’s sexuality must be met with loving parental correction. Parents try to encourage good dating habits without interfering. By word and example we teach children how to make good choices of friends, music and entertainment.
When crisis strikes, don’t panic. Don’t overreact. Consider all the resources for help God has provided us. Let’s remember our own instruction in the word of God and go back to our Bibles. Let’s talk together as husband and wife. Consult Christian friends and families who have faced the same challenges before. Sometimes we will want professional spiritual advice. Talk to a pastor, teacher or counselor. There are many helpful books on sex education programs in our school and be ready to correct or add to them at home. Caution children about the abuse of sex without taking away their confidence that it is a good gift from God. Pray for the right words and courage to keep this delicate balance.
Something to think about
Give two reasons why conscious effort at sex education may be of greater concern for you and your children than it was for your parents.
We do well to emphasize to our children that sex is a gift of God which brings us blessings. What positive value can we see in God’s stern prohibitions of the abuse of sex (1 Corinthians 6:13-20)?
What negative values will children attach to male sexuality if their father refuses spiritual 1 Peter 3:7; Colossians 3:19)?
What message do we send about sexuality if our children observe us viewing entertainment forbidden to them?
Why is it important for our children’s sex education to see their parents forgiving each other? Why is our forgiveness from God so important for our personal sexual image? Why is it important that we openly forgive our children for their sexual faults?
Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of sex and for its blessings of companionship in marriage and of life to my children. Forgive me my sins for the sake of your son Jesus. I ask you for the direction of your Holy spirit so that I may be a model of thankfulness and love to my children. Amen.
The Family of God series is copyright © 1985 Northwestern Publishing House. and is published under the auspices of PACE (Partners Advancing Christian Education), Wisconsin Lutheran High School Conference, Milwaukee, WI. Reprinted by permission.
Northwestern Publishing House
1250 N 113th Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA 53226-3284
Phone: 1-800-662-6022
|
