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Problem Solving
According to Genesis 3 "thorns and thistles" are a result of man’s fall into sin. We live in a fallen world in which the ground produces thorns and thistles and man must earn a living "by the sweat of his brow." Ever since that time problems are common to mankind.
Even though Christ and faith in him have removed the curse of our sins, we Christians still experience problems in our lives. At times thorns and thistles also spring up in the close relationships of our families. It is important for our spiritual, physical and emotional well-being to deal effectively with life’s problems. We need to solve them or at least neutralize their impact on our lives.
A Loving Attitude
Our attitude is a major factor in dealing with any kind of problem. Especially when we are dealing with the members of our families, we are dealing with people we love. We should always try to show a loving and forgiving heart. In addition to putting our Christian confession into practice, a loving attitude also creates an atmosphere which encourages open and honest conversation. Parents should particularly be aware of setting this example for their children.
Christ is both the motive and the example of being forgiving toward one another, Jesus says, "Love one another, As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34). In Christ we have the perfect example of dealing with sinners in a spirit of love and compassion. In him we have the living picture of the counselor helping others see themselves as they are. Christ’s love is self sacrificing, yet firm and truthful.
Pray that through his Holy Spirit Christ would give you patience and understanding together with a forgiving heart. In other words, pray for a Christlike attitude of love.
Steps in problem solving
Before a person can solve a problem, it is necessary to admit that there is a problem. Pride, fear, shame or embarrassment have to be put aside. Theses feelings and attitudes seal off the willingness to communicate with those involved in the problem.
Once we admit there is a problem, we can follow some basic steps toward a solution:
Identify the problem Sometimes this is very easy. Other times it can be a difficult task. Often the perceived problem is no the real problem. Open and honest communication can help to get to the bottom of things.
List the factor(s) causing the problem. This, too, can be a difficult task. But it is a necessary one. Family members might discuss the question, "What do you think the cause is?"
Determine what can be done to change or correct any of the factors which contribute to the problem.
Seek what God’s Word says about this problem. Study the Scriptures for guidelines and directives.
Apply the insights and information you have gathered. With God’s help you are now ready to put into practice what you know.
Problem-solving keys
In following through on these steps, there are a couple of key thoughts to keep in mind. One is the basic need for good communication. A strong foundation of love, respect and trust are the essential elements for "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). This also clears away the fear of being vulnerable by revealing inner thoughts and feelings. In this way an environment is created in which speaking honestly, listening and responding can take place.
Careful listening deserves special mention. In a conflict there is such a strong tendency to concentrate on preparing our defense that we fail to listen to what the other person has to say. Not many problems are solved when one or both sides of a dispute are not listening to each other!
The other key to dealing with problems is to separate the problem from the person or persons involved. Someone has correctly said that there are no "problem people," but there are people with problems. Think about that. To have a problem in no way detracts from a person’s value as a priceless human being. With this understanding, everyone’s attention can be turned to addressing the problem itself.
The reason we will want to face and solve as many of our problems as we can is that our Lord encourages us to conduct ourselves ‘ in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" and to "stand firm in one spirit" (Philippians 1:27). We are also to "agree with each other in the Lord" (Philippians 4:2). As we work together to solve our problems we are doing what God wants. He will be with us. He will bless our efforts in his own good time and in his own good way.
Some suggestions
Quite often one person identifies a problem but is the only one to speak about it. It is important for all involved to have enough trust in each other to be able to discuss any problem openly and honestly.
Sometimes the fear of being hurt by open and honest discussion keeps a person from trying to deal with a problem. We need to be humble enough to accept any part of the responsibility for a problem.
Mutually acceptable compromise is a way to deal with differences, anger and dislikes.
A significant thought to consider is that there are times when a person needs the help of another Christian to solve his problem.
There are other tracts in the "Family of God" series which will help you work through and deal with your problems. For example, tract 9 "Parenting Resources" offers suggestions on getting help from outside the family.
Something to think about
Why is communication a key factor in solving problems?
What happens if you fail to separate the problem from the person?
What implications does "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15) have for this mater of dealing with problems?
What do Jesus’ words "settle matters quickly with your adversary" (Matthew 5:25) teach us about dealing with our problems?
Can we learn to disagree without being disagreeable? Can we see that someone else’s opposite or differing opinion is not a threat to us personally?
Can you see Christ’s admonition to keep problems confidential (Matthew 18:15-20) as part of the problem solving process?
Prayer
Lord God, heavenly Father, you know the problems I face regularly as a parent. I need your help and guidance to deal with these problems. Continue to support me through your Word and sacraments. Grant that my home might more and more reflect my oneness with you and all believers. Help me develop the skills to effectively address the problems of family relationships, and through it all, build up within my family a stronger faith as the foundation for confident living through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.
The Family of God series is copyright © 1985 Northwestern Publishing House. and is published under the auspices of PACE (Partners Advancing Christian Education), Wisconsin Lutheran High School Conference, Milwaukee, WI. Reprinted by permission.
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