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Your Child's Friends
Thunder rumbles. Lightning flashes in every window. A small voice calls in the night, "Mom! Dad! I need you!" A parent hurries to comfort the frightened child. "You know there is nothing to be afraid of. Jesus is here."
"I know Jesus is here." Replies the fearful child, "But I need someone with skin on."
Why do we need friends?
This little story illustrates a common experience for human beings. We all need "someone with skin on" from time to time. It’s part of God’s plan to use Christians to share the gospel, to comfort, to touch, to listen and to reflect in every way the love and friendship of the real Savior your child cannot see.
The blessings of friendship are important to people of all ages and especially to your developing child. Friendships offer the child opportunities to establish relationships by learning to communicate and get along with others. Friendships also serve as a kind of therapy for suppressed thoughts and feelings. When we can explain ourselves to others, we are explaining ourselves to ourselves. This helps to turn a hodgepodge of thoughts and feelings into something that makes sense to us.
Sin, of course, has spoiled the possibility of perfect friendship among human beings. Children need to understand this problem and be equipped to deal with it through the comforting teachings of God’s Word. Jesus is the friend who will never fail them - the one who remains a constant source of friendship. It is Jesus’ love and forgiveness that enable Christians to forgive the failings of human friendships. Teach and model forgiveness. Unforgiving people become lonely, bitter, wounded spirits.
How do we get friends?
When children get positive responses from others they are more likely to develop confidence and be more friendly. Even an infant can be taught to smile a big smile and to look people in the eye. This will often evoke a positive response from another person, and success breeds success.
Other behaviors that help to make friends are trustworthiness, loyalty, respect for confidences, tolerance of the differences in others, self-confidence without conceit, sympathy, enthusiasm and cheerfulness. Behaviors that lead to rejection are insecurity, aggressiveness, and continual, rude demand for attention.
Teach your child what is good and kind. Point out what is mean, cruel or unacceptable. Use examples from Scripture whenever possible, such as Jonathan’s loyalty to David, Ruth’s faithfulness to Naomi, Jesus’ patient listening to Martha’s complaints and his showing her the one thing needful - the greatest gift anyone can give to a friend. Maintain your own friendships so that your child can observe the blessings and the requirements of friends.
Why do we want friends?
It’s good for your child to learn behaviors that help to win friends. But without spiritual motivation, we can only follow our sinful, human natures and base our friendships on pride and greed. Popularity, success and getting all you can get are themes that prevail in our society. Many people see to develop friendships only with those who are popular, attractive, talented or successful in other ways. They want to be in with the "right" group.
Help your children to see beyond such superficial values. Motivate them with the love and salvation that Jesus gives to us so that they will want to obey Jesus’ command, "Love each other as I have loved you" (John 15:12).
Friendship patterns and needs vary from age to age, so give your children some freedom to choose their own friends even though they may not always appeal to you. Teach your child to respect old friends as new friends enter the picture. Encourage friendliness toward all people, teaching the child to pass on the love Jesus has given to us.
Where can we find friends?
Our society no longer provides built-in opportunities to socialize. Busy parents must be more aggressive in creating opportunities for children to be with peers. Schools, church groups, camps, organizations, teams and car pools can bring children together. Encourage your child, especially in adolescence, to join at least one organization or team (preferably more). Friendships form more easily when people work together on projects and activities.
What do we do with friends?
Help your child resist peer pressure and sort out value conflicts by clearly teaching and living what God expects of us. Then remind your child to base his decisions regarding where to go, what to do, and whom to be with on this simple question: Can I take Jesus along?
Pray that your child becomes the "someone with skin on" who reflects our Savior’s love and his friendship that lasts forever.
Some suggestions
Make your child's best friend, Jesus, part of your everyday life - not just a "Sunday God."
Use Scripture whenever possible to motivate your child toward God-pleasing friendships.
Assure your child that feelings of loneliness and friendliness are part of the lives of every human being.
Be a sounding board. Listen to your child express feelings about friends without judgment or pity.
Guide you child's behavior and friendship patterns with a "by the way" style (concerned indifference) rather than intense lecture.
Teach your child to say no. True friendship does not require proof by participation in drug abuse, premarital sex or other sinful behavior.
Something to think about
Is love for Jesus the motivation for friends and friendly behavior in your family's living?
What have you taught your child that will help make friends and what do you need to work on?
Have you provided opportunities for your child to be with other children?
Are you pushing your child to make the "right friends" for the wrong reasons (popularity and success)?
- Do you provide time for your child to talk to you about the joys and disappointments of friendships?
Have you made it your business to know you child's friends and their families?
Prayer
Dear Jesus, help us to keep you first in our lives as our best friend. May both we and our children take you wherever we go and choose friends to whom you would have us reflect your love. Amen.
The Family of God series is copyright © 1985 Northwestern Publishing House. and is published under the auspices of PACE (Partners Advancing Christian Education), Wisconsin Lutheran High School Conference, Milwaukee, WI. Reprinted by permission.
Northwestern Publishing House
1250 N 113th Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA 53226-3284
Phone: 1-800-662-6022
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