Communication

     Communication is vital. Problems in communication mean problems in our families. Failures in communication can cause family breakups and rob individuals of joy, peace and hope.

     Christian parents are God’s representatives to their children. Parents are to communicate the truths of god in ways that best assist children in accepting the values and beliefs Christian parents cherish. Our task in communication is to nurture faith and build strong, caring families.
 

Communication skills important

     That means we need to know something about communication skills. There are many courses locally available, as well as good printed materials. These courses and materials will teach us how to do the following better:

     Be an active listener who

1. Conveys an "I care" attitude,
2. Maintains good eye contact,
3. Doesn’t interrupt,
4. Tunes into body language,
5. Is continually trying to put himself into the other person’s shoes, and
6. Asks questions to make sure the message received is the message sent.
7. Speak in a positive style rather than blaming or fault-finding. For example, say, "let’s all pitch in and do the work together," rather than, "Nobody ever does anything around here."
8. Speak clearly and stick to one issue at a time.
9. Know how to give praise and compliments in specific ways that truly help, such as, "That was a good piece of work," rather than, "You are a really good worker."

     Without question these are skills that improve communication. All of us need to learn more about them and cultivate their use in our lives and families. But skills alone won’t solve our communication problems. We have other problems too.
 

Sin is a communication barrier

     Because of our sin, we don’t always feel or express love for the person with whom we communicate. Sometimes we’re not even consciously aware of or sensitive to the other person. We’re often concerned only about ourselves, our needs and interests.

     We may know all the right words, but there is still a serious problem when we put ourselves first. St. Paul described it this way, "If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal" (1 Corinthians 13:1). That’s the problem.

     Above all, good communication begins with hearts that are filled with Christ’s boundless love for all. The good news is that we as forgiven sinners have such hearts. The encouraging message is that we can let those hearts direct our communication.
 

God’s love directs us

     When communicating with members of the family, we need to ask: Did our conversation

1. foster concern for each other?
2. nurture loyalty, commitment and closeness in the relationship?
3. convey the feeling that every person is valued and what is being said is important?
    

     Within the Christian family, good communication helps build Christian self-esteem in each and every member of the family. We need to be reminded again and again that "speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ" (Ephesians 4:15). All communication in Christian families emphasizes such care and encouragement and seeks all sorts of growth. Families that practice such communication will draw closer to God and to one another and will communicate well.

     Communication skills can be learned. Reflecting Christ’s love in our speech can be cultivated. The efforts will lead to stronger, more caring families.
 

Some Communication ideas

     We have all been guilty of "putting our foot in our mouth." The best antidote to that embarrassing and hurtful practice is to follow the advice in James 1:19, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

     At the end of the day, reflect back on your conversations with your spouse and/or children. Did your conversations help to encourage and build up the other person? Did your communication help bring glory to God? If your answers are NO, don’t be discouraged! Pray for a more loving heart, Jesus says, "For out of the overflow of the heart the month speaks" (Matthew 12:34). Start tomorrow with the renewed attitude to be a more Christlike communicator.
 

Take time to really listen to your children:

   Be there to share the excitement and fears, the discoveries and disappointments of their day. Children grow in self-esteem and security when they know that you care about their world, including their friends, school, activities, thoughts and feelings.

   Be there to answer their questions, even the tough ones. (Where do babies come from? Why do you and Daddy fight sometimes?) If you don’t provide the answers, someone else will!

   Be there to provide the best example of a loving communicator, teaching your children the valuable lessons that will come back to you in the respect and appreciation they show for you and others.

     God is the perfect listener. We are assured that he is always there for us and attentive to our prayers. He knows our needs and hearts and never misunderstands us. Call on him!
 

Something to think about

		Evaluate yourself as a communicator within your family. Give at least five reasons why you sometimes have trouble being a good communicator.
		Think of someone you know who is a good listener. What qualities does that person possess to make him or her a good listener?
		In you typical busy family, you may find it very difficult to find the time for talking and sharing that is necessary to build the closeness and trust that is vital in family relationships. Setting aside special time at bedtime may be one way of talking to your children about their day and then talking to God together about it. Another special time might be when your children return from school, since that is when they are usually bursting with some new information. Add your own suggestions to this list.
		Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." How can we build others up? How can we know their needs?

Prayer

Dear Lord, please help us become better communicators. Help us block out the clutter of our days and focus on the essentials. Help us look beyond ourselves and be sensitive to the needs of others. Help us to unplug our ears and open our hearts to your words. Thank you for always being there to listen to us. In Jesus’ name. Amen.



The Family of God series is copyright © 1985 Northwestern Publishing House. and is published under the auspices of PACE (Partners Advancing Christian Education), Wisconsin Lutheran High School Conference, Milwaukee, WI. Reprinted by permission.

   Northwestern Publishing House
   1250 N 113th Street
   Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA 53226-3284
   Phone: 1-800-662-6022

“Good communication
begins with hearts
that are filled with
Christ’s boundless
love for all.”
 

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