Dealing with change

  Things change. That’s a simple fact of life. Growth and change go hand in hand. Whether we like it or not, we must face the reality that life doesn’t remain the same.

   Changes that occur in a lifetime are varied and numerous. Many changes are natural and important elements of human growth and development. Living through such natural changes can be difficult and sometimes painful experiences for children.

   As adults, parents have a distinct advantage - they have lived through many of life’s changes. Christian parents have experienced the special grace and blessing of God that he provided during these changes. As a Christian parent, you’ve relied on God’s strength when experiencing doubt and fear. You’ve realized that God has used changes as a way of strengthening you and making you a more well-rounded Christian. You know that life’s changes need not be unhappy times for a person, but can be a very positive and happy part of a person’s growth and development.

   As a Christian parent, you can prepare your children for anticipated changes in life so they will become the means of fostering spiritual development God intended them to be. How can you prepare your children for change?

Prepare children for anticipated change

   This is best done through talking with your children. Attempt to state as clearly and simply as possible what the change is and what effects it might have on their lives. Be realistic and positive. Answer questions honestly. Try to talk about the feelings that might go with this change. Be careful, though. Everyone reacts to change differently. Let your children know there is no one way to feel about a change. Let them know they can count on God.

Be positive about change

   If a child is about to begin school, talk about the many happy activities and fun times that will be experienced. If a new baby will soon be a part of the family, show your joy and excitement about this wonderful blessing. When preparing a pre-adolescent for the changes that come with puberty, be cheerful and positive and stress how wonderful God’s way of changing a child to an adult really is. As your adolescent begins the high school years, talk positively about the benefits that come with these years.

   By observing your positive attitude toward change, your children will sense that these new stages in life are something to anticipate with excitement rather than dread.

Encourage children to share feelings

   When your children want to share feelings about changes, be a good listener. Ask questions that encourage them to analyze why they feel a certain way. If your children express positive feelings about a change, show them that you are happy for them. If the change is causing negative feelings, be supportive. Let your children know you are there to help them through this problem. Avoid judgment and criticism.

Stress the "constants" of life

   The unhappy "constant" is sin. The joyful "constant" is the love God shows each day. A forgiving love (Psalm 103:12). A love that encourages us to turn to him with troubles (1 Peter 5:7). A love that will never change no matter how we might change (Jeremiah 31:3).

   Helping children effectively deal with life changes is another of the big responsibilities you assume as a Christian parents. By nurturing your children’s faith in a faithful and unchanging God, you are fulfilling your responsibility in a God-pleasing manner. You are also helping your children to realize that their unchanging God (Hebrews 13:8) is using changes in their lives as one means of showering his love and blessings on them.

Nurturing suggestions

   Devotions are a wonderful setting for sharing feelings about changes taking place in family members’ lives. Study the lives of Bible heroes who endured changes in their lives. (Abraham, Moses, Ruth, David, Job, Elijah, the disciples and Paul are just several of many examples.) Especially meditate on why God caused the changes, the reactions of the affected believer, and the results of the change. Use this biblical example to discuss why God is allowing change to happen to your family members, their reactions, and what will result from it. Stress how God always used change in the lives of the Bible heroes for their good.

   When extended families are together, bring out old family scrapbooks and photo albums. Show your children pictures of your youth. Use the pictures as a basis for talking about the changes in your life. Stress the positives. Share with your child how God used the changes to foster your spiritual and emotional growth.

   Life’s changes sometimes necessitate decision-making. If it is a decision your child could make by himself, encourage him to do so. Talk with him. Point out the choices that could be made. Discuss the possible results of making a choice. Pray over the decision together. Then let your child make the decision. Let him know you will support him as he faces the consequences of his decision.

   When your child is dealing with a change, keep your child’s teacher informed. Behavior can change. If a teacher is aware of the reason for a behavioral change, the necessary adjustments can be made in the classroom. Allow your teacher and school to become another support system for your child who is dealing with change.

   Talk to relatives or friends who have lived through this experience. Get their experienced advice. Share your feelings and needs. Use these people as another God-given support system for yourself as you help your child through change.

   Something to think about

1. What were (and are) things that made change frightening for you? What do you do to overcome these fears?
    
2. Is a phrase such as "don’t worry, time heals everything" or "I know how you feel" helpful to a child dealing with change? Why or why not?
    
3. Children can react to a negative change taking place in their lives by assuming God is punishing them for something they’ve done wrong. Why is this a sad and possibly dangerous reaction?
    
4. Why can a child of God actually accept a change that causes pain or frustration as a blessing from God?

Prayer

   Heavenly Father, thank you for being a faithful, unchanging God. Help me in my moments of doubt and fear when facing change to turn to you for strength and guidance. Help me also to be a caring parent who can support my children when they deal with changes. Give me wisdom to answer their questions, sensitivity to understand their feelings, patience in supporting their reactions to change, and cheerfulness to do it all with a positive attitude. May your love and support always be the "constant" I need when dealing whit changes within my family. Amen.

The Family of God series is copyright © 1985 Northwestern Publishing House. and is published under the auspices of PACE (Partners Advancing Christian Education), Wisconsin Lutheran High School Conference, Milwaukee, WI. Reprinted by permission.

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“As a Christian parent, you can prepare
your children for anticipated
changes in life.”
 

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